I heard we made out
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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