I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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