her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
