susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
