Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
