Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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