Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
accomplished twins. life is a go
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
