Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
