guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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