Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
