Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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