You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
