Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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