Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
