i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Randomize
