So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
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