I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I am naked and annoyed.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
