I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
