You made me cry and you don't even care
I think I won the penis lottery.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
