I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
