is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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