My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
