Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
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