i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
