i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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