As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
