Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Randomize
