I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
