Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
