3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
