I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
