The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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