if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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