Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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