the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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