If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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