I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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