fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
