Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
