Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
