sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
