Will you blow on my dice?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
