I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
