haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
