one might say we're banned from that church
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
