i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
