found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
