I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Randomize
