I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
