I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
