So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
