It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
