it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
