..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Randomize
