So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
