Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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