Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
