dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
