Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
