I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
