What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
