The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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