She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
