chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Couch. On fire.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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