dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
